01 Mar 09 23:05, you wrote to Michael:

 TC>  Hmmm, well then Zeke would fill the bill very well. 

Wot's a Farblegaster? Soounds tu me somewhat akin tu ma in-laws' idea o' haggis...

 MG>> over cousins Guido and Nunzio, the Jewish flatulators, to
 MG>> discuss the merits of goiter rhinoplasty.
 TC>  Omygod.... anything but that!!!!

Ach; thaat's joost a wee part o' tha basic trainin' aroound here! Joost
take a wee look at tha handout we pass oout to tha nu recroots, joost
bafore they pass oout, as ait were...

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Prepare yourself to endure repeated barrages with massive amounts of pigeon
 that will be directed your way, lovingly delivered by the
dwarves via carrier pigeon, cannon, or catapault; all thanks to the rather
large target we have just painted on your . A raincoat and
umbrella might help, but only for about 12.75 seconds, as the caustic
nature of the  will quickly eat it's way through those.

Self-flaggelation and rubdowns with 80 grit sandpaper, followed by healthy
dousings in Standard kerosine will help to thicken your skin and
desensitize it to the continuous bombardment of  that you will have to
endure until we decide that you've gained apprentice dwarf status.

Please sned $1275.00  in small, unmarked bills to the office of
Sgt. Stubby MacPherson, c/o the NCORF, for your snedding papers, phunny
hat, decoder ring, aardvark detector, and any other useless items we may
come up with. Oh, and don't be suprised if none of the aforementioned items
arrive; we make no promises here, except that you'll regret your stay.

Report to the Flipside Clinic for your Clue implant; remember to bend over
and hold your ankles. Don't cough; the nurses have all gone AWOL and the
motor pool staph hasn't done all that many implant procedures...
You don't want to end up as an experimental cybernetics subject for the Doc
(Borgie) Hutto memorial research group.
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