==> A hush fell over the room when Marge Clark said to Harriet Levy <== 
 MC> I thought I heard Harriet Levy (1:278/307) say: 
 
 ->>was saved from quite a few.   Also, she's given me a safe place to 
 ->>explore stuff that I wouldn't talk to anyone else about.  It's with her
 ->>that I can talk about the real shaming stuff, and get to the point where
 ->>I can talk about it with other people.
 MC> and what strikes me as the important thing here, gal, is that one has
 MC> to have  the WILLINGNESS to explore the real hard stuff...the stuff you
 MC> don't  want to  look at, let alone  talk about.     seems to me that
 MC> choosing to remain   sponsorless gives  a wonderful option to 'hide
 MC> out' 
 MC> by asking someone to sponsor you, you are...signifying your
 MC> willingness to  continue the process?
For me, I never get willing until the pain gets great enough.  When the 
pain *does* get great enough, I am willing to do *anything* to relieve
it.  Even if it does mean telling all the secrets.  
Remaining sponsorless *is* IMNSHO a great way to hide out...I know 
just how damn selective I can be about who I tell what to.  AND it 
looks like I'm being real open and honest.
It becomes a question of "just who am I trying to fool here?"  It's like
cheating at solitaire...only the stakes are higher.  If I continue to
not look at (or talk about) the hard stuff, *I'm* the only one who is
going to continue to suffer.  If nothing else, the 6+ years I've been
sober has served to raise my tolerance to pain.  What I'm not willing
to do is live in the agony I lived in when I was drinking.
You know the latest stuff that I've been going through.  A lot of it has
*felt* like I felt just before I got sober.  However, if you look at the
circumstances of my life, I'm in *much* better shape.  My bottom has
risen.  I can't take as much discomfort AND I know what to do, where
to go, to help myself.  
Is that willingness?  I don't know.
 MC> btw...thank you. 
Anytime!
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