On (31 Oct 95) Harriet Levy wrote to Tim Dill...
==> A hush fell over the room when Tim Dill said to Chris Johnson <== 
 TD> to hear from me but I aint called him in a while....
 HL> Uh....Tim....Yes, for a while it's quite okay to go "sponsorless."  
 HL> I know, I've done it.  However, having gone sponsorless and now, again,
 HL> having a sponsor.  I don't recommend it.  
 I was referring to Tom K. the man with the busy phone line or message
 machine. 
 You know the real story however, I do have Joe K. he is a man I touch
 base with... also has 23 years recovery.
 I touched base with him just this afternoon, told him how my day
 (or evening went) and how my sister was and especially I was doing.
 HL> The reasons for sponsorship are manyfold.  First, I think, a sponsor 
 HL> helps us break the isolationism that is an integral part of this 
isease.
 HL> It forces us to make contact on a daily (or, for me, at least 3x/week) 
 HL> basis.  
 I see Joe approximately once or twice a week. I do breakfast with him
 (not on a normal basis) oh every once in a while... in short yes
 I do have a sponsor by the extreme definition but as for
 being formal no....
 
 HL>Also, it's really easy to get over on people when there are a 
 HL> bunch of people with whom I share a lot of stuff.  BUT I don't tell
 HL> "everything" to "everyone".  THAT is, IMHO, the key. 
 Hmmm, This sort of relationship I have with Mike at work he and
 I keep each other in check. (in fact he said last night "you can tell
 Harriet that we do switch roles every once in a while..."
 I was sitting in his truck just talking with him last night during
 break (Yes we need him on line so he can see what happens here, but
 I just started running print outs for him and he does read this both 
 coming and going)
 HL> My sponsor knows what's going on in my life.  She knows pretty much
 HL> all of it.  She can *see* the inconsistencies, *hear* when I'm 
 HL> bullshitting MYSELF.
 The same with Mike. 
 HL> Now, I've been battling with depression for the last year or so.
 HL> I've finally decided to take some steps about dealing with it.  
 Cool deal.
 
 HL> I was at my *best friend's* house this
 HL> weekend, and was talking to her about it.  The whole subject was news
 HL> to her.  She hasn't seen the sinking into new depths of depression.  All
 HL> she saw was that it was getting harder to get me to get together.  She
 HL> assumed (and I led her to the assumption) that I was *busy*.  My 
ponsor,
 HL> OTOH, knows exactly how difficult this last year has been....she's been
 HL> listening to me, frequently, talk about "what my day was like".  I can't
 HL> hide from her, the way I can hide when I tell some to this one and some
 HL> to that one.
 Yeah I have daily contact with Mike.. since he is older he has the life
 experiences to back up his program.. and I have seen him live through
 some incredible bullshit. The details I left out were He first got
 sober in '88, slipped in 90 came back in '92.. he knows when something
 is bothering me I tell him everything that happens in my life.
 But it's hard to call him a sponsor when I enjoy being with him.
 It's not so much working the program with him but living it.
 He is also the type of friend that pulls no punches with me.
 HL> Also, I've found it impossible to do any *real* step work without a 
 HL> sponsor.  I *need* someone who, again, knows the entire picture, who
 HL> can give me a reality check on whether the 9th step I'm planning to 
 HL> do is:
 HL> a.  Me wanting assuage my guilt and come out looking good. Or,
 HL> b.  An honest attempt to repair the damage done.  Or,
 HL> c.  A twisted thing (I am, after all, and alcoholic and engage in 
 HL>        alcologic from time to time) that will, indeed, do additional
 HL>        damage.
 The same here.. he knows the entire story with my parents, the
 entire story about my recent forays to alanon meetings.
 In short there is not much I keep secret from him.
 (He feels he knows you from the stuff he hears from me. He knows about
 Marge, Ed K. etc...)
 HL> etc.
  TD> I am known as the "Heretic of AA" 
 HL> Couple of things here.
 HL> If your network all have about the same amount of time in the program
 HL> as you, where are you getting the ES&H about how things will change?  
 Joe K., Richard M., Jesse T. in that order all these gents have double
 digit recovery. But since these guys have day jobs or are day people
 I don't get to see them as often as I like.
 HL> All you're getting is what things are like now? 
 In short no...
 
 HL> The point of sponsorship
 HL> is to get value from someone else's experience. Hopefully it can save
 HL> us from making the same mistakes over and over again (raise the bottom,
 HL> so to speak); give us hope for the future, etc.
 Yes, I do have that if not anything else even if I don't have a formal
 sponsor. You may not agree the way I work (or live ) my program
 will work for you but it damn sure works for me.
 HL> If my sponsor hadn't lived through what I've lived through for the last
 HL> year, there are many, many mistakes I would have made this year.  As it
 HL> was, there were many that I did...but listening to her experience, I 
 HL> was saved from quite a few.   Also, she's given me a safe place to 
 HL> explore stuff that I wouldn't talk to anyone else about.  It's with her
 HL> that I can talk about the real shaming stuff, and get to the point where
 HL> I can talk about it with other people.
 The venue here is where I get most of my feed back from. This is where
 I get to see my words on paper so to speak. I have tons of stuff that
 never gets mailed however. I have a safe place to explore the stuff
 that you are referring to. I do have Joe if anything pressing
 needs to discussed.
 HL> AND, Tim, if you're going to be the "Heretic of AA" (and John L. that
 HL> title a few years ago, and passed the torch to me and John Elder), you
 HL> can't use the Big Book to support your statements. ;-)
 I do things a tad differently than most folks so I will wear that
 badge with honor.
 Hugs
 Tim...
... What's that SIGNPOST up ahead? Where's ROD SERLING when you need him?
--- PPoint 1.92
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