TR>Dad, hang in there, remember that you have a lot more power than you 
hink.
  >Make a list of the tools you have, positive and negative, and use them. 
Thos
  >teenage boys get what they want when you get what you want. Be tough on 
he
  >hanging around the wrong crowd. Sit down and have a serious talk about 
hat
  >you want and what you are willing to do if they comply. Tell them also 
hat
  >you will do if they don't comply, and follow through. Never lie to them. 
You
  >list of tools for a teenage boy can be very effective: 1) allowance; 2)
  >cafeteria meal-ticket, or money to eat away from school from time to time; 
3
  >TELEPHONE!!! - the family phone or his own - with or without extra goodies
  >like call-conferencing; 4) Wal-Mart clothes, or an occasional Bugle-Boy; 
)
  >Nike or the $15 unknown shoes; 6) THE CAR!!!!!; 7) TELEVISION!!!!;
  >8)NINTENDO!!!!; 9)Friends over to the house; 10) Whatever it takes to be
  >cool.
Tom, I quoted verbatim the above paragraph because it should be read by
everyone with a teenager.
In raising three kids, I've tried to look "inside" the situation and
determine for myself what triggers good and bad in them.  While studying
my own children, I've made a point to try and understand their peers
also.  The two major factors that I've noted that influence them
are: 1) Money, and 2) Mobility.   Too little or too much of either can
be detrimental.... too much being the worst.
Most young people are not emotionally equipped to handle unlimited
budgets, personal vehicles, and the freedom to use them.
The problem is that in today's society with both parents working, the
affluence of modern times, and pressure to "keep up with the Jones",
many parents give their kids too much.  Here in our little community,
better than 50% of the kids have their own car when they turn sixteen.
To go along with the car usually comes a credit card.  Then Mom and Dad
doesn't understand what they did wrong when little Johnny or Susie ends
up in the emergency room after a drunken party.
It is extremely difficult for a child to get involved in drugs when he
doesn't have the money to buy.  Not saying that a child shouldn't have
an allowance, but it should be reasonable.  Most important, a parent
MUST know what Jr. does with it!!!  This now extends to my two teenagers
who both have jobs.  They have to account for how they spend their
earnings.
I've also found that the other amenities you mentioned are great tools.
BUT, you must mean it when you say, "If that happens again, you lose
your [fill in the blank]".  Kids KNOW when you are bluffing.
I've found that grades and extracurricular activities are extremely
important.  When a kid is busy making good grades, playing sports,
practicing music, learning martial arts, and working, he doesn't have
TIME for drugs and crime.  I insist that both of my kids stay INVOLVED.
And it isn't "all work and no play".  They both have fun being
teenagers, but if grades drop, the amenities go away until the grades
improve.  Works every time.
Lastly, a parent must stay informed.  To do so, he must also be
involved.  When my daughter developed a passion for softball, I became
a coach.  When it became evident that she thought I was stifling her,
I backed off and joined an adult co-ed team, then went to school and
became an umpire.  We both enjoy the game immensely and get a great deal
of pleasure out of sharing our experiences.
My son's passion is motorcycles... so I bought TWO dirt bikes.  He's a
better rider than me, but I won't let HIM hear me say that for a few
more years :)
You are right on... keep telling people.
Regards,
Ron
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