G'morning Vern,

 VH> "Not exactly -- I guess the Leprechaun couldn't understand my American
 VH> accent, and I would up with a 12-inch pianist."

Mmmm ... sure, and there'll be a wee delay while I translate my 
favourite 12 inch joke into PC terms...

And you'll have heard of the terrible fate of Paddy who got into 
drinking at the local all night until the barman closed up and 
asked him to go ?

Paddy stands up and falls flat on his face - and every time he 
tries to get up, the flatter he falls.  Crawling outside to get 
the benefit of the fresh air,  he uses a tree to try again - with 
the same results.

Eventually, he crawls all through the village to his cottage, 
makes it inside and upstairs where he hauls himself up into bed 
and falls deeply asleep.

"Ye spalpeen!", his wife wakes him in the morning by 
screaming,"Ye've been drinking all night again !"

"What makes you say that",  he tries for utter innocent.

"The pub phoned - ye've left the wheelchair there again !"

:-)) 
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