* Crossposted from: ECHO ATTENTION DEFICIT
Hello Donna,
I was just reading a book called How To Talk So Kids Can Learn by Adele Faber
and Elaine Mazlish.  It talks about how we need to deal with Childrens
emotional afflictions before they can learn.  That we need to let them know
that we accept their feelings (right or wrong) so we can help them cope or
learn to change unacceptable behavior.  She also talked about if we label
our children such as ADHD, forgetful (scatterbrain) that the child develops
a stronger role to that label and therefore is not motivated to change.
If we make comments such as "Don't forget your book", or "Did you forget
your pencil again"; that these comments reinforce the role and they can
make themselves believe they are scatterbrained (even though you did not
say it).  It focuses on ways of approching certain things, such as fighting
and forgetting things.  If you tell your child "Good Job", that still leaves
room for the child to cut herself down.  If you tell your child "I really
like the dinosaur you drew with the big trees and green grass", that focus'
on detail and doesn't leave room for her own criticism.  She talked about
labeling children my best writer and my best artist.  If you want the Child
who is a writer to draw a picture, she won't be motivated to do so, because
that is not her strong point and vise versa for the artist.
I thought it was an excellent book and I found it relates to my children.
Let me explain:  Sara is a perfectionist.  I pretty much have labeled her
that and she is also academically smart.  She has heard me say that.  Now
she get upset when she misses an answer.  She has put herself in the role
of expecting herself to do everything right the first time.  This causes
whining and frustrations when her expectations fail.  Jonathon is forgetful
and I always felt he needed me to help him through everything.  Jonathon
plays the role of being helpless and worries so much about forgetting things
that he does.  Jeremy is label ADHD and that is why he throws temper-tatrums.
I expect him to do all the things ADHD children do, so he follows that role.
Exactly at the times I expect him too.  Of course, these children feel this
is how they are and are not motivated to change or believe it can be changed.
This book explains how to do that.  To show them they can change by focusing
on times they were not perfect and it was ok, when they were not forgetful, 
r
when they did not throw a temper-tatrum.  It tells you how you can change
their behavior by showing them they did it once.
I thought you mite be interested in this as it has many references to teacher
and child, parent and child, and parent and teacher.  I now understand why
my children may be giving me attitudes that I thought my comments did not
reflect.  I also used it a couple of times yesterday and Jeremy who is not
really affectionate put his head in my lap and watch TV with me.  He was
an absolute doll.  He had a fight with his brother and by listening to
both of their stories, not blaming either one, and letting them both 
understand
how the other one felt the fight did not last.  They were good friends again
and they came up with a solution.
Have a nice day.
Regina
... "Transporter chief Floyd, beam the landing party to the bridge"
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