MSGID: 1:229/452 19203A72
-=> Quoting Damon A. Getsman to Nancy Backus on 05-Feb-2015 13:51 <=-

 NB>> I suspect it's less the transientness in any case.  Some of it may just
 NB>> be age-related.  And, as you mentioned (both in the part I snipped and
 NB>> below) the video games probably do have somewhat to do with it as well.

 DAG> This is a good point that was brought to my attention by people I
 DAG> was speaking to at his school, as well.  I'd be a million times more
 DAG> comfortable seeing the innocence fade, as it does around this time
 DAG> significantly, if we were stable and he had friends to help buffer it,
 DAG> though. 

When things can't be helped, they can't be helped... one does have to
work with the situation one is actually in.  He at least has the
stability of being with you, and having you care about him and his
welfare... 

 NB>> Having a compatible friend makes a lot of difference... how long were
 NB>> you able to stay where he had the friends?

 DAG> In Bismarck it was over 3 years.  He was really tight with a lot of
 DAG> them there.  In Minot, it was...  around 4-6 months.  Here, well he's
 DAG> gotten together with friends outside of school 4 times.  In six months.
 DAG> I can't even bear to think about that.  He's got plenty of friends,
 DAG> it's just that this is such a yuppie neighborhood that they're all too
 DAG> busy to want to bring their kids out so that _they_ can have any lives.

At least he has the friends at school... that's important, too.

 DAG> I really can't wait to move to a lower class neighborhood, and that
 DAG> isn't sarcasm in the slightest. 

It might or might not help things... some "lower class" parents buy into
the same helicoptor parenting... part of it seems to be the way things
tend to be nowadays... 

 DAG>> However he suffered a bit of verbal abuse, and definitely neglect,
 DAG>> from my fiancee when I was working, which I later found out about.
 NB>> Sigh... not what he needed, for sure.

 DAG> Not at all.  :|  I don't even know what to say about that.  I'm a
 DAG> little ashamed that it took me so long to realize.  I was really
 DAG> wrapped up in providing for 5 people and the infatuation.  :(
 
Woulda, shoulda, coulda... The past is what it was... you can learn from
it, you can work with the results, but you can't change it, nor should
you dwell on the mistakes made...  Hopefully you have learned from it...

 NB>> And without friends to get out and play with, there is more incentive
 NB>> to occupy oneself with the video games, too...

 DAG> Yeah.  I've been slowly putting that to a limit, though.  As the
 DAG> days get longer here he's going to have time to get out to the park, on
 DAG> the days when it's not totally cold and wet (kind of rare this time of
 DAG> year here, still). I'm going to be doing other things with him, too.  I
 DAG> know this one bit is within my control and I just can't stand to see it
 DAG> reprogramming him that way. :P
 DAG> I think I'm just gonna skip to him being able to play it for 3-4
 DAG> hours a day on weekends only, and that's it.  If the ADHD behavior
 DAG> problems kick in after that, I'll talk to him, and if they keep kicking
 DAG> in, that'll be lowered, too. Not sure what else I can do.  At least
 DAG> I've got new books on the way for him. 

The books will probably do the most to help wean him off the games...
it's a better way to exercise the brain, and most engaging as well,
since he enjoys reading... :)

 DAG> It'd be really nice if we had space for him to play board games with
 DAG> me and with his other toys though, too.  Or if, like, his friends
 DAG> with space had parents that would let him come over.  :P 

Eventually you'll probably have that... both the space and hopefully
some friends with more helpful parents... ;)

ttyl       neb

... Are part-time band leaders semi-conductors?

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