RA> I wonder.  I mean, for me I find it a little hard to avoid knowing t
RA> part of me hurts and at times gets madder than all get out that it
RA> happened.  I don't always know how to put it in proper perspective,
RA> do know that none of us who were abused in some way as children are
RA> going to have that happy childhood that at least a little part of us
RA> wishes we had had, that we have to live our lives from where we are
Although the reality of a happy childhood may be beyond us, we are not 
powerless.  We can, to some extent, recreate our own childhood; and we 
can make that re-created childhood happy.  I have these ideal parents 
that I have created, that live in my head; and when I feel a little 
freaked out about my childhood; I say, "So what would my ideal parents 
have done?"  And then I create a story about what these ideal parents 
do. It actually does to some extent, for me, work.  I don't know if it 
would work for everyone, however.
RA> now, but that one's childhood is part of the mix.  I think many peop
RA> have a problem accepting that they truly did not deserve the abuse t
RA> were subjected to as children, so when they see a child being abused
RA> part of them wonders what the child did to deserve it.  My mother ke
RA> trying to make excuses for a father she hated and feared, and it bec
RA> clear after a while that part of her thinks she did deserve to be
RA> battered.
Battered children are told it's their fault.  "If you hadn't done 
______, I wouldn't be doing this."
                            Sondra
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