From: "Randy H" 

This has been making the rounds....


Resume: George W. Bush


Past work experience:
Ran for congress and lost.
Produced a Hollywood slasher movie. Bought an oil company, but couldn't
find any oil in Texas. Company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my
stock. Bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that
confiscated land using tax payer money.
Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.


As governor of Texas:
Changed pollution laws for the benefit of power and oil companies and made
Texas the most polluted state in the Union. Replaced Los Angeles with
Houston as the most smog-ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted
the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
Set record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
Became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes with
the help of my father1s
appointments to the Supreme Court.


Accomplishments as president:
Attacked and took over two countries. Spent the surplus and bankrupted the
U.S. Treasury. Shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history. Set
economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
Set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
First president in decades to execute a federal prisoner. First president
in US history to enter office with a criminal record. First year in office
set the all-time record for most days on vacation by any president in U.S.
history.
After taking the entire month of August 2001 off for vacation, presided
over the worst security failure in U.S. history. Set the record for most
campaign fund-raising trips than any other president in U.S. history.
In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
Cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any president
in U.S. history.
Set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
Appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions than any
president in U.S. history.
Set the record for the least number of press conferences than any president
since the advent of
television.
Signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution than any
president in U.S. history.
Presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to
intervene when corruption was revealed. Presided over the highest gasoline
prices in U.S. history and refused to use the national reserves as
past presidents have.
Cut healthcare benefits for war veterans. Set the all-time record for most
people worldwide to simultaneously take to the streets to protest against
me (estimated 15 million people), shattering the record for protest against
any single person in the history of mankind. Dissolved more international
treaties than any president in U.S. history. Established the most secretive
and un-accountable presidency of any in U.S. history.
Appointed members to my cabinet who are the richest of any administration
in U.S. history. (The poorest multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has an
oil tanker named after her).
First president in U.S. history to have all 50 states of the Union
simultaneously go bankrupt.
All-time U.S. and world record holder for most corporate campaign
donations. My biggest lifetime campaign contributor was Kenneth Lay, former
CEO of Enron Corporation. Thus, I presided over the biggest corporate stock
market and bankruptcy fraud of any market in any country in the history of
the world.
Created the largest government department bureaucracy in U.S. history. Set
the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than
any other president in U.S. history. Spent more money on polls and focus
groups than any president in U.S. history.
Removed more checks and balances, and have the least amount of
congressional oversight than any
presidential administration in U.S. history. Rendered the national debt
irrelevant. First U.S. president to establish a secret shadow government.
Changed U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government
contracts.
Set all-time record for number of administration appointees who violated
U.S. law by not selling huge investments in corporations bidding for
government contracts.
In the 18 months following the 9/11 attacks I have successfully prevented
any public investigation into the biggest security failure in the history
of the United States.
Removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any other
president in U.S. history.
In a little over two years created the most divided country in decades,
possibly the most divided the we have ever been since our Civil War.
Entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and in less than
two years has turned every single economic category straight downward.


International affairs:
First president to run and hide when the U.S. came under attack (9/11) and
then lied saying the enemy had the code to Air Force One. Took the biggest
world sympathy for the USA after 9/11, and in less than a year made the
U.S. the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest
diplomatic failure in U.S. and world history). First president in U.S.
history to unilaterally attack and occupy a sovereign nation against the
will of the United Nations and the world community.
First president in history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from
the human rights
commission.
First president in history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from
the elections monitoring
board.
Refused to allow inspectors access to U.S. prisoners of war and by default
no longer abide by the rules of the Geneva Convention. First president in
U.S. history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002
elections).
Withdrew from the World Court of Law. Rendered the entire United Nations
irrelevant. Fist U.S. president in history to have a majority of the people
of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and
stability. With a policy of 'disengagement' created the most hostile
Israeli-Palestine relations in at least 30
years.
Failed to fulfill pledge to get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'. Failed to
capture the anthrax killer who tried to murder the leaders of our country
at the United States Capitol building. After 18 months I have no leads and
zero suspects.
Failed to find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Don1t know where Saddam
Hussein is. Established the Carlyle Group to manage post-war revenues.
Heading up the Carlyle Group are George Bush, Sr. and James Baker. Awarded
the Halliburton Company (Dick Cheney, CEO) a multi-billion dollar contact
to extinguish oil well fires in Iraq and maximize output capacity of Iraq
oil business.

Records and References:
At least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record
has been erased and is not
available).
AWOL from National Guard 18 months and deserted the military during a time
of war (1968).
Refused to take drug test or answer questions about drug use. All records
of tenure as governor of Texas have been sealed in Dad.'s library, and are
unavailable for public view. All records of any SEC investigations into
insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed and un-available for
public view. All minutes of meetings for any public corporation on which
George W. Bush served on the board are sealed and un-available for public
view. Any records or minutes from meetings George W. Bush (or the
vice-president) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in
secrecy and un-available for public review.

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