Hi Matrika!
In a message (09-13-95) to All you wrote:
MA>I just would like some feedback on something that I see happening at my
MA>AA group and what we can do about it in light of the traditions.   Our
You left this message a while ago, and I thought about not responding, 
figuring that you've probably gotten plenty of feedback by now... but decided 
that, if nothing else, I'd let you know I empathize with your problem.
First off, have you discussed this with your sponsor?
MA>It was founded by some oldtimers with
MA>sobriety measured in double-digit years - usually twenty plus.
I heard recently... or maybe read it on one of the echoes... time does not 
equate progress in recovery... time just equals time.
MA>Some of these same oldtimers tend to sit in the back and
MA>righteously rule the meeting.  There are almost never business meetings
MA>except to plan the group anniversary/Xmas party every year.  The really
MA>big decisions are made by these guys.
And of course, that's not the way it should be, but if the group allows it, 
it'll continue to happen. The GROUP is responsible to "check" the iron-fisted 
ruling of any individual member.
Read "Tradition Two" in the 12&12... sounds like these guys are described 
pretty well. "The bleeding deacon is one who is just as surely convinced that 
the group cannot get along without him..."
Ask for a group conscience... you're entitled to. Anyone can call for one. Or 
maybe you want to talk to a few of the others first, to see if anyone else is 
concerned with what's going on.
MA>Recently R. another member of the back row commitee is said to have
MA>told another old-timer not in their clique that if he did not like how
MA>R. ran HIS meeting he could get the F*** out.
In Tradition Two, it also says (about oldtimers who become our 'elder 
statesmen') "they do not drive by mandate; they lead by example."
Maybe you could go to "another old-timer not in their clique" and ask his 
assistance. Maybe he's seen this before in your area... maybe he has some 
experience with it. If not this particular old-timer... ask around 
(descreetly... remember we need to keep principles before personalities 
here...) and see if anyone else has experienced anything similar.
MA>I am profoundly upset as this is the ONLY meeting I can get to.  I
MA>recognized that one of the reasons I've been going to meetings less and
MA>less is because of this.
Maybe it's time to start another meeting... maybe you could even see if 
there's another room available in the same building and have a Big Book or a 
step study or whatever.
I've heard that all you need to start a meeting is a resentment and a coffee 
pot. :)       And I do know of meetings that came about just like that.
MA>I am also very intimidated by it and I don't handle conflict well
MA>at all.
Maybe it doesn't have to be conflict... seems that the guy who was "told" he 
could no longer chair the meeting might join you in starting another 
meeting... maybe that other oldtimer... and I've learned that seldom am I 
alone in my thoughts, feelings or fears. So there are probably others who 
would help with another meeting, or if need be another group.
Of course, that's a whole OTHER set of fears, huh? "Maybe no one will 
me..."
MA>I have been trying to go to this group and be different, reminiscent
MA>of the expression "it is better to light one candle than to curse the
MA>darkness."   But it is getting more and more discouraging.
If this is the only meeting you can get to... and you're not finding recovery 
for yourself there... you'd better do something. For me, meetings are about 
life or death... We cannot do this alone. AA's about us being able to do what 
none of us could do by ourselves...
MA>Any comments?  Anybody?  Help!
I wish you well. There's not much about staying sober that I find easy. 
Actually, often, I find following my conscience is difficult. No one ever 
told me that doing the "next right thing" would be easy, or feel comfortable. 
Often it doesn't feel comfortable at all.
And I hope I'm not the first to tell you today 
-----------------------I__L_O_V_E__Y_O_U__!-----------------------
  (((Matrika)))                                            Lynda
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