Polly: Was in the middle of answering your message when the connection was 
lost - so here goes once again!  Anyway, you have approx. date of death of 
the GM?  Go to the SSDI - Social Security Death INdex -- on CD-Rom -- or 
someone on this BBS can look it up for you -- and have them run the name, 
last, first, middle initial - and you will get a list of people by that name. 
 Or names similar to it.  Check the one that was born in the year in which 
the grandmother was -- and it will give you the date of death and the zip 
code where she last received benefits.  Then you check for funeral homes in 
that zip code.  If she wasn't buried where you think she resided, this will 
be a clue.  Let me know if you have any luck on this.  I'd be glad to check 
the name for you with my resources but I don't have the SSDI on CD-Rom.  If 
you are on the Internet, you get get it from there, I believe.  One 
suggestion, and it is only a suggeston, when you are working with a 
researcher, like someone who is assisting you, at the start it is advisable 
to lay out what you want them to do - and if you want them to make contact 
with the person you are searching for.  It has been my experience that if the 
researcher who is unrelated to the case makes contact, and the recipient of 
that contact reacts unfavorably, which happened in your case, then you may 
have, but not always of course, lost a chance to talk to that person and 
actually hear it from them as to what there response is.  Wordy explanation - 
but that's why I believe it is best for the adoptee/birth parent, or any 
member of the triad to place the calls rather than the intermediary. 
Sometimes the adoptee triad member feels uncomfortable, and he/she prefers to 
have someone unrelated to the case place that call -- then that's okay, but 
they have to take what happens and hope for the best. There are pros and cons 
for each scenario.  It is important that you and members of the parties to 
which you are related that are searching are involved in some sort of search 
support group. As you have noticed, just being able to bounce this material 
off to someone, even one you don't know, but one who has been there -- can 
have somewhat of a healing effect.  These are just my thoughts, and others on 
this BBS may agree/disagree with me -- but you ought to review all ideas on 
the subject.  Someone told me about a new book entitled, "Wake Up Little 
Suzie!" Have you read it or heard about it? I haven't, but I'd like to get a 
copy of it.  It's pretty new, I understand. Don't know the publisher.  I do 
have a list of the 1996 Adoption related literature which is quite extensive 
-- and it won't hurt to start reading.  Wish I had a scanner so I could send 
it toy you.  Sorry about the typos!  Have a nice weekend! Marie Anderson, 
Richmond, VA.
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