A friend gave me a copy of the following:
I Believe - by Michael Kelly
*I believe the president.  I have always believed him.  I believed him
when he said he had never been drafted in the Vietnam War and I believed
him when he said he had forgotten to mention that he had been drafted in
the Vietnam War.  I believed him when he said he hadn't had sex with
Gennifer Flowers and I believe him now, when he reportedly says he did.
 * I believe the president did not rent out the Lincoln Bedroom, did not
  sell access to himself and the vice president to hundreds of
  well-heeled special pleaders and did not supervise the largest, most
  systematic money-laundering operation in campaign finance history,
  collecting more than $3 million in illegal and improper donations.  i
  believe that Charlie Trie and James Riady were motivated by nothing
  but patriotism for their adopted country.
*I believed Vice President Gore when he said that he had made dunning
calls to political contributors "on a few occasions" from his White
House office, and I believed him when he said that, actually, " a few"
meant 46.  I believe in no controlling legal authority.
 * I believe Bruce Babbitt when he says that the $286,000 contributed to
  the DNC by Indiana tribes opposed to granting a casino license to
  rival tribes had nothing to do with his denial of the license.  I
  believed the secretary when he said that he had not been instructed in
  this matter by then-White House deputy chief of staff Harold Ickes.  I
  believed him when he said later that he had told lobbyist and friend
  Paul Eckstein that Ickes had told him to move on the casino decision,
  but that he had been lying to Eckstein.  I agree with the secretary
  that it is an outrage that anyone would question his integrity.
*I believe in the Clinton Standard of adherence to the nation's campaign
finance and bribery laws, enunciated by the president on March 7, 1997:
"I don't believe you can find any evidence of the fact that I had
changedgovernment policy solely because of a contribution."  I note with
approval the use of the word "evidence" and also the use of the word
"solely."  I believe that it is proper to change government policy to
address the concerns of people who have given the president money, as
long as nobody can find evidence of this being the sole reason.
  * I believe the president has lived up to his promise to preside over
  the most ehtical administration in American history.  I believe that
  indicted former agriculture secretary Mike Espy did not accept $35,000
  in illegal favors from Tyson Foods and other regulated businesses.
  I believe that indicated former housing secretary Henry Cisneros did
  not lie to the FBI and tell others to lie to cover up $250,000 in
  blackmail payments to his former mistress.  i believe that convicted
  former associate attorney general Webster Hubbell was not involved in
  the obstruction of justice when the president's minions arranged for
  Hubbell to receive $400,000 in sweetheart consulting deals at a time
  when he was reneging on his promise to cooperate with kenneth Starr's
  Whitewater investigation.
*I believe Paul Jones is a cheap tramp who was asking for it.  I believe
Kathleen Willey is a cheap tramp who was asking for it.  I believe
Monica Lewinsky is a cheap tramp who was asking for it.
  *I believe Lewinsky was fantasizing in her 20 hours of taped
  ocnversation in which she reportedly detailed her sexual relationship
  with the president and begged Linda Tripp to join her in lying about
  the relationship.  I believe that any gifts, correspondence, telephone
  calls and the 37 post-employment White House visits that may have
  passed between Lewinsky and the president are evidence only of a
  platonic relationship; such innocent intimate friendships are quite
  common between middle-aged married men and young single women, and
  also between presidents of the United States and White House interns.
*I see nothing suspicious in the report that the president's intimate,
Vernon Jordan, arranged a a$40,000-per-year job for Lewinsky shortly
after she signed but before she filed an affidavit saying she had not
had sex with the president.  Nor do I read anything into the fact that
the ambassador to the United Nations, Bill Richardson, visited Lewinsky
at the Watergate to offer her a job.  i believe the instructions
Lewinsky gave Tripp informing her on how to properly perjure herself in
the Willey matter simply wrote themselvels.
I believe that The Washington Post, the Los Angeles Times, The New York
Times, Newsweek, Time, U.S. News & World Report, ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, PBS
and NPR are all part of a vast right-wing conspiracy.  Especially NPR.
My note:  I heard on TV that Jay Leno was the leader of the conspiracy.
          :-)
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