-=> Quoting Sondra Ball to Robin Arnhold <=-
Hi, Sondra,
 RA>I hope your friend passes over peacefully and quickly with his loved ones
 >around him.
 SB> 
 SB> His family took him home AMA (Against Medical Advice), which meant
 SB> they couldn't have hospice care.  But a community nurse got involved,
 SB> did some behind the scenes changes, and finally did get him into the
 SB> home hospice program. 
Good.  I'm glad to hear that he is getting hospice care.  It will take a
tremendous burden off his family who are, after all, trying to deal with
the imminent loss of a loved one.  That's more than enough without having
to also provide round-the-clock care.
 SB> Rob is really
 SB> traumatized by this.  He loved this man as deeply as he loved his
 SB> grandfather.  Rob refuses to go and see him; to say good-bye to him. 
 SB> He is afraid that if he goes he will remember him as a helpless stroke
 SB> victim, and not as the vital energetic man he has known and loved all
 SB> his life. Mario and I are accepting Rob's decision.  Perhaps, for him,
 SB> that would be true.  I think, though, that he is simply escaping the
 SB> intensity of the experience.  And that is OK, too.  The last four years
 SB> have been very hard on Rob.  He has seen, during that time period, the
 SB> death of a sister, two cousins, a grandmother, and a couple of friends.
 SB> This is one more loss for him.
It is hard enough being 13 or 14 without having added trauma.  I suspect
Rob realizes that to see a loved one on his deathbed would be an
emotional overload that he believes he might not be able to handle.  And
who is to say he is wrong?  I lost my father when I was 14 and was
sexually molested by one of his co-workers a few months later.  I am
still trying to sort through that part of my life and deal with it.  It
was definitely too much trauma for me to handle at that age.  I hope Rob
is able to handle this new loss better than I handled mine.
Take care,
Robin
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