From: "Frank Haber" 

I got this twice in email, so it must be touching a nerve, even in all-Marxist NYC:

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Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.  May I have your national ID number?

Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an order.

Operator: I must have your NIDN first, sir.

Customer: My National ID Number? Yeah, hold on, uh, it's 6102049998-45-54610.

Operator: Thank you Mr. Sheehan.  I see you live at 1742 Meadowland Drive,
and the phone number is 494-2366. Your office number over at Lincoln
Insurance is 745-2302 and your cell phone number is 266-2566. Email address
is sheehan{at}home.net. Which number are you calling from sir?

Customer: Huh? I'm at home.  Where'd you get all this information?

Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir.

Customer: The HSS, what is that?

Operator: We're wired into the Homeland Security System, sir. This will add
only 15 seconds to your ordering time.

Customer: (sighs) Oh well,  I'd like to order a couple of your All-Meat
Special pizzas.

Operator: I don't think that's a good idea, sir.

Customer: Whaddya mean?

Operator: Sir, your medical records and commode sensors indicate that
you've got very high blood pressure and extremely high cholesterol. Your
National Health Care provider won't allow such an unhealthy choice.

Customer: What?!?!  What do you recommend, then?

Operator: You might try our low-fat Soybean Pizza.  I'm sure you'll like it.

Customer: What makes you think I'd like something like that?

Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet Soybean Recipes' from your local
library last week, sir.  That's why I made the suggestion.

Customer: All right, all right.  Give me two family-size ones, then

Operator: Good choice. That should be plenty for you, your wife and your
four kids. Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. Your total is $49.99.

Customer: Lemme give you my credit card number.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid you'll have to pay in cash. Your
credit card balance is over its limit.

Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and get some cash before your driver gets here.

Operator: That won't work either, sir. Your checking account is overdrawn also.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How
long will it take?

Operator: We're running a little behind, sir. It'll be about 45 minutes,
sir. If you're in a hurry you might want to pick them up while you're out
getting the cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a motorcycle can be a little
awkward.

Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a scooter?

Operator: It says here you're in arrears on your car payments, so your car
got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid for and you just filled the tank
yesterday.

Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^${at}#

Operator: I'd advise watching your language, sir. You've already got a July
4, 2003, conviction for cussing out a cop and another one,  I see here,  in
September for contempt at your hearing for cussing at a judge. Oh yes, and
I see here that you just got out from a 90-day stay in the State
Correctional Facility. Is this your first pizza since your return to
society?

Customer: (speechless)

Operator: Will there be anything else, sir?

Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a free 2 liter of Coke.

Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ads exclusionary clause prevents us from
offering free soda to diabetics. The New Constitution prohibits this.

Thank you for calling Pizza Hut.


--

-Frank

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