* Copied (from: netmail) by Michael Kirst using timEd/386 1.10+.
  From: Mlfuller@aol.com
  Date: Sun, 2 Feb 1997 14:24:27 -0500 (EST)
  To: Michael.Kirst%3633-36@satlink.oau.org
  Subject: The Final 37 Days! (long)
  Michael,
  I wanted to share my story with you.  I've not been able to connect to the
  Adoptees and would appreciate your posting this.  I'm so overwhelmed!
  Mary
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  THE FINAL 37 DAYS
  There were times when I wondered if I would ever experience final days with
  the search for my birth mother.  Being the persistent person that I am and
  making contact with a helpful person via the Internet has led to my writing
  this story.  A search that began in 1976 ended on January 31, 1997.  The
  emotional roller coaster ride during the final 37 days was an experience 
that
  I'll be talking about for the remainder of my life!
  Anita agreed with me from the start that the 1920 census could hold the
  needed key to complete my search.  Anita, my friend who I met via the
  Internet who will forever hold a special place in my heart.  She not only
  pulled the right data from the census but served as a search partner and 
soft
  shoulder.  At one point she even gave me permission to open a window and
  shout my frustrations with promising to post bail if I would get arrested 
for
  disturbing the peace!
  Many have asked how the 1920 census held the key when my birth mother had 
not
  even been born.  I wrote what I refer to as "my formula" which was based on
  the non-identifying information that I had received in 1976 from the 
lacing
  agency.  It stated that my birth mother was 20 years old at the time of my
  birth which meant that she was either born in 1926 or 1927.  She was the
  youngest of 12 children with the oldest sibling 23 years older than she so
  that person would have been about age 17 on the census.  My birth father 
as
  seven years older than my birth mother and was a friend of one of her
  brothers.  That told me that she had more than one brother.  I assumed that
  one brother was about the age of my birth father and would show up as a
  toddler on the census.  The remainder of "my formula" consisted of keeping 
in
  mind that her oldest sibling might or might not have been living at home at
  the time of the taking of the census.  It made sense though that at least
  five children would have been born by 1920. The mother would be 33-43 years
  of age, old enough to have a child the age of 17 but yet young enough to
  later have a child the age of my birth mother.
  On December 26th Anita began checking the census and via the Internet
  e-mailed me the data that she had pulled.  The data on one family 
immediately
  attracted my atttention.  The mother was 40 years old, oldest child 
Myrtle)
  was 17 and the youngest  (Michael) was 1 1/2 years old.  This family had a
  total of 10 children listed on the census, five sons and five daughters.  I
  thought what a coincidence that my adoptive mothers' name was Myrtle and I
  have a brother Michael.  Then I noticed that there was a daughter who 
hared
  my birth name of Catherine.  I have always felt that my birth mother might
  have named me after a sister or her mother.  Then I looked at the father's
  name, Joseph and thought of my adoptive father as his middle name was 
Joseph.
   Another family attracted my attention as they fit "my formula".  Actually
  there were 18 possible families in this batch of data that Anita pulled. 
ow
  it was time for my next step!
  For years I've had copies of pages from the 1923 and 1928-29 criss-cross
  directories for my birthplace.  These provide occupations for all those 
ith
  the maiden surname of my birth mother.  My birth mother's family standards
  were middle class at the time of my birth.  I assumed that during the 20's
  her father had either been working at a well-paying  job or was a
  businessman.  So I checked for occupations of the fathers of these 18
  possible families.  Joseph once again attracted my attention due to his 
being
  a speculator (buyer/seller of stocks, commodities and land).  While waiting
  for Anita to complete the checking of the census the time would be spent 
with
  my seeing what else I could learn about these possible families.
  The census data was great for learning the approximate years of birth for
  these married people and their sons.  I did not give attention to the
  daughters with knowing that many or all them probably later married with
  changing their surname.  It was time to check the  Social Security Death
  Index which I have on CD's. I did find who I thought were some of the 
eople
  on the census and learned their dates of death which could lead to 
btaining
  their obituaries from old issues of newspapers.  I needed a mother or 
ather
  who had 12 children with the name of one being Mary (my birth mother's 
irst
  name), or a man who had 11 siblings with one named Mary.
  When Anita completed the checking of the census, there were a total of 25
  possible families.  Again, I applied the search techniques to this new data
  obtained.  Joseph's family came out on top with a second family close 
behind.
   Now it was time to obtain an obituary and the most promising appeared to 
e
  that of one son.  Anita found it on microfilm at a library!
  We had the names of nine siblings from the census but only seven matched in
  this man's obituary.  The names of his parents were not stated so it could
  not be certain if this man had been a member of the family being sought.
   Three names of siblings caught my attention - Myrtle, Michael and Mary 
Jane.
   I thought how ironic that my adoptive paternal grandmother's name was Mary
  Jane!   I knew that Myrtle was not a common given name so felt that was a 
tip
  that this might just be THE family!  Errors do occur in obituaries.  I
  thought about my mom and one of her favorite sayings, "Leave it to Myrtle!"
   It was decided that the next step would be to obtain an obituary of 
nother
  son.  Anita found it!
  The names of the deceased and eight siblings did match the family on the
  census but there were a total of 13 children.  I screamed, "Where did the
  other one come from?"  I gave thought to maybe the informant had become
  confused.  There were alot of names for that person to think of and maybe 
the
  name of a neighbor got thrown in!  I did at this point remind myself that I
  was grasping with wanting this family to be THE one.  But maybe it was time
  to locate this Mary Jane and recalled that her married name was spelled
  differently in the two obituaries.  Which spelling was right?  No spouse 
name
  had been stated for her so was she divorced?  Maybe she was a widow when 
er
  brother passed away? This obituary was almost 20 years old.  Had she
  remarried with now having a different surname?  All of a sudden I recalled
  that a Mary Jane had been born during the appropriate time span to be my
  birth mother.  At this point I began to think that this woman was my birth
  mother.  How ironic that it would occur on December 31 after I had 
xpressed
  all year long that 1996 would be THE year for solving my birth mother
  mystery!  She had to be located though to be certain that I had reached my
  1996 goal.  Database searches did not locate her and there were two 
different
  spellings of her married name, along with the thought that it might not be
  her current surname.  Anita and I began calling people on New Year's Eve in
  an attempt to locate this woman.  Numerous calls only resulted in being
  wished a Happy New Year over and over.  Why did no one know this woman when
  her married name was not real common?  I thought that she must have 
remarried
  years ago and evidently did not have any sons or we probably would have
  reached one of them during the phone calling.  It could be that she had not
  had more children after me.
  Anita began looking for uncommon names among the brothers, sisters and the
  children listed in the obituaries of the two brothers.  The phone calling
  continued with neither one of us reaching anyone that knew Mary Jane.  It 
was
  then decided that maybe another brother had later died and his obituary 
might
  reveal a more recent surname for Mary Jane.  On January 2nd a third 
bituary
  was found so now it could be compared to the previous two!
  This obituary had been published in 1980 and it indicated that Mary Jane 
as
  a widow.  There were still 13 children showing up for this family but at 
this
  point it was not thought to be significant.   Mary Jane might have 
orgotten
  to include herself when she provided the placing agency with family
  information.  Anita did some further research and began to see a pattern
  where this family lived.  Most of them had moved to the very far south side
  or south suburbs of my birthplace.  Mary Jane's maiden name is so very 
common
  in the area that discovering this pattern was extremely helpful.  Anita's
  first call to who she thought might be a member of this family resulted in
  reaching a nephew of Mary Jane's!
  The nephew thought that Mary Jane was deceased but advised Anita to call 
is
  mother.  She confirmed that Mary Jane was deceased.  That was a real blow 
for
  me to deal with. One thing that helped me thru it was that I had not been
  given the opportunity to get to know my adoptive father.  He was killed in 

  freak accident just shortly after my 2nd birthday.  I've always cherished 
the
  photos of him and the memories of him shared by others.  The sister-in-law
  had told Anita that Mary Jane and her husband had children, but did not 
now
  how many.  She gave Anita the name and phone number of a nephew who would
  have more information.  I knew that I would never hear my birth mother's
  voice or hold her hand but looked forward to hearing memories of her from
  other family members and knew that maybe I could obtain some photos of her.
  Anita offered to call the nephew.  I accepted her offer while dealing with
  the emotions that I did not want to mar the memories of a deceased woman.  
It
  was a terrible disgrace back in the 40's for an unwed mother to place a 
child
  for adoption.  I knew that it was possible her family might not have known
  and felt certain that her children born after me would not be aware of my
  existence.  Via the nephew we learned that I have nine siblings.  When I 
as
  younger I had wished for a younger brother to beat up!  Now I was feeling
  overwhelmed to know that I have nine little brothers and sisters!!  The
  nephew offered to call an elderly aunt, "the keeper of family secrets".
   While waiting to hear what she would have to say, I called the placing
  agency to request that they verify Mary Jane was my birth mother.  They
  requested a copy of her death certificate which was understandable.  I knew
  that my nerves could not handle waiting for weeks to obtain one.  And, I 
knew
  that even if the elderly aunt felt that I was Mary Jane's daughter, it 
ould
  be a good idea for the placing agency to confirm it.  I called Karen, my
  sister who lives in Illinois and asked if she knew of a way to expedite a
  death certificate being issued to me.
  Prior to receiving the death certificate I learned that the elderly aunt 
said
  that I could not be Mary Jane's daughter.  I knew it was possible that she
  did not really know.  I did give thought to she possibly knowing but felt
  that my existence should remain a secret.  While waiting for the placing
  agency to verify if Mary Jane was my birth mother, I wrote a letter to the
  nephew.  I did not tell him that I was suspicious, only asked that he keep 
me
  in mind in case he might learn what family branch I belong on.  I enclosed
  pictures of my son and me in case we might resemble someone he knows.  A
  social worker from the placing agency called me on January 31 and confirmed
  Mary Jane was my birth mother!
  It's been a tough decision to make whether to proceed with contacting
  siblings first or to notify the nephew that there is not even a slight 
oubt
  that Mary Jane was my birth mother.  I chose the latter as the information
  obtained from him was very helpful  No matter what his reaction might be I
  will be contacting siblings.  Mary Jane is not alive to speak her feelings 
so
  I will proceed with what I feel is right.
  One chapter of my life is over and another will soon begin.  In the 
eantime
  the "shakes" are diminishing while an overwhelming feeling is taking over
  that a 20 year+ search has finally ended.  My dog, Ozzy is exhausted from
  having answered to "Yes!" and "Oh, my God!" numerous times during the final
  37 days!  How I wish that I could sleep as peacefully as he, but someday I
  might!!
--- timEd/386 1.10+
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