To: trekcreative{at}yahoogroups.com
From: Allyn Gibson 
Reply-To: trekcreative{at}yahoogroups.com

I'm combining two responses in one post; I've been a little busy of late,
and haven't had the time to sit down and compose something thoughtful.

On Monday, June 30, 2003 Tim wrote:

> Hi, all!

> Just getting caught up...

> I enjoyed this one, Allyn. Quite nice, and it could certainly be a
> springboard for a longer story.

It was intended as such.  Some background.

Last July at a Star Trek convention I found myself Sunday afternoon in the
hotel bar, tossing back drinks with three of the Star Trek novelists.  One
of them said, roughly, "Thank god Enterprise can't use the Borg,"
to which I replied, "Sure they can."  He looked at me, said,
"Prove it," and then I said, "Well, what if Picard didn't
clean up after himself after First Contact?  What if he left Borg debris
floating around?"  The author frowned, went pensive, and said,
"Okay, that could work."  So, I later plotted out a story that
involved the discovery of Hawk's corpse, Henry Archer, and the Warp Five
project, to be bookended by a short Shelby scene set pre-"Best of Both
Worlds," providing a coda to the story that put a different spin on
"Q Who?"--that some in Starfleet knew about the Borg and had
known for a long time, and that there was a cache of Borg artifacts in
Starfleet's hands that they had been collecting for -centuries-.

I kept meaning to write the story, but I had other concerns on the plate,
and it fell by the wayside.  Then, at Christmas, I sketched out the Shelby
scene as a writing warm-up exercise and left it aside.

When Paramount announced "Regeneration" I dusted off the Shelby
scene, and realized that the larger story with Henry Archer I had plotted
out, while vastly different than what "Regeneration" would do,
would likely come across as an attempt to steal Enterprise's thunder.  But
the Shelby scene worked well enough on its own that I decided to see if I
could pare it down to a working drabble.

So, yes, it was meant as a springboard for a larger story, but I thought it
worked well enough on its own as a scene that raised some questions in the
reader's mind.

On Saturday, June 21, 2003 Joe Manno wrote:

> The good: It neatly brings the ill-fated Hawk full circle
> and allows the opportunity to resuscitate him if such serves
> the author's (or anyone else's) purpose.

I wasn't really planning on resuscitating Hawk, though if someone wanted to
use "The Vault" as their opening to do so, I've no objections.  I
viewed Hawk exactly as I described in the scene--a corpse.  But Borg
corpses have a way of never really being dead....

> The ugly: The last sentence seems a little desultory: A denouement
> is hardly necessary in a one hundred word piece.

I was trying for a "shock" in the final sentence.  Or rather, a
shock on Shelby's part.  The reader would have realized what the game was,
as they had more pieces of the puzzle to work with, but Shelby would be
left only to wonder.

> Shelby's final comment is superfluous and robs the
> drabble of both snap and dramatic impact.

A friend of mine didn't understand the final sentence at all.  He didn't
realize that Hawk's corpse was two hundred years old.  He didn't believe
that Picard wouldn't have recovered Hawk's body.  My view of First Contact,
though, was that Picard was -so- out of control that anything was possible.
 Even leaving Borg corpses, wreckage, and technology about.  (Which we know
now from "Regeneration" that he did.)

That said, I fully understand your criticism.  I think it's valid.  I may
rethink this.

> The good again: I thought the use of Shelby extremely
> relevant and clever, considering her status during "The
> Best of Both Worlds." Overall, the writing is sharp.

Thanks!

Allyn                                    http://www.allyngibson.net
AIM: mknzycalhn                                        ICQ: 4342396

LORD ARAGORN: Well, Legolas and Gimli, with the help of Gandalf the
   White,  formerly Gandalf  the Grey,  also known  as  Gandalf the
   Beige,  we  have  defeated  the  Uruk-hai  in a giant  computer-
   generated battle.  Now we must make haste to the Really Big Rock
   of  Karambador, before  the forces of  Ba'Zoot,  led by the evil
   King Weltpimple,  conquer the  Mullions of Gneep  and obtain the
   Remote Control Unit of Doom!
LEGOLAS: Now you're just making stuff up.
   -- Dave Barry, "Bored of the Rings"


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