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| subject: | Male Elder Abuse |
Thomas Berrigan never dreamed he'd reach retirement age and end up being a
prisoner in his own home. Most of his possessions have been either stolen or
vandalized, his trailer home has been burglarized repeatedly, and he is
afraid to leave in the morning and to return home at night. He is desperate
to move away but can't afford it.
Is he a victim of gangs? Local thugs? Vicious, drug-crazed criminals?
No - he is the prisoner of a vindictive, mentally unstable ex-wife, her
adult children, and a legal system that prejudges him guilty and her
innocent.
"If I call the police, she'll say I attacked her," he says.
"If I try to
defend my home and come near her, she'll scream, call the police and I'll go
to jail as a wife-beater. Her children will corroborate anything she says. I
have nowhere else to go. I'm stuck."
According to the National Center on Elder Abuse, elder abuse has risen
sharply over the past decade and a half, and less than one in 10 cases of
elder abuse are actually reported to authorities. Neglect is the most common
form of abuse, comprising roughly half of all cases, followed by physical
abuse (15 to 20%), emotional abuse (15%), and property destruction, theft,
or financial exploitation (10%). The most likely abusers are adult children
and spouses. Adjusting for the greater number of elderly women, men and
women both abuse and are abused in equal proportion.
There are many different elder abuse scenarios but, according to researchers
Karl Pillemer and David Finkelhor, one of the more common ones is an elderly
man being abused by his healthier (and perhaps younger) wife, or by a second
wife, who often abuses with the assistance or complicity of her adult
children.
Berrigan's ex-wife, whom he married a decade ago and recently divorced,
knows that he is trapped and is thus able to operate with impunity. She
broke-in to his trailer home while he was away and destroyed the papers he
needs to get his veterans' benefits. She stole most of his clothes and other
possessions. She stole his phone bills and the keys to his daughter's house,
and leaves threatening messages which hint darkly about his grandchildren.
With the help of his daughter, Berrigan was able to get a restraining order
against his ex-wife, but it is of limited value because he is still very
hesitant to call the police.
Activists say that Berrigan's problem is anything but rare. According to
attorney Marc Angelucci, California chairman of Stop Abuse for Everyone
(SAFE), often men like Berrigan are:
"among the most defenseless people in our country. Even though countless
studies show that there are plenty of women who commit spousal harassment
and abuse, our courts and criminal justice system are reluctant to recognize
it. Police are under tremendous pressure to protect women and arrest male
'batterers', whatever their age. The law in practice often doesn't protect
these men and stands ready to jail them on the word of the women who
victimize them."
When an elderly man's health has deteriorated to the point where the police
could be convinced that he is actually the victim, men still often decide
not to report their abuse. According to author and men's advocate Warren
Farrell:
"Many elderly men who are abused by their wives report their wives' anger at
their failure to be useful - as a breadwinner or as a home-repairer. The man
has gone from protector to needing protection, and that is a set up for her
anger. The man's shame and dependency often prevent him from reporting his
wife's abuse."
Berrigan is one of the lucky ones, because his abuse is not physical, at
least not yet. Ken Hedrick, a retired firefighter, is less fortunate. He has
been repeatedly assaulted by his wife of five years, who attacks him by
surprise, often using kitchenware and household objects as weapons. Even
though he worked his whole life until he reached retirement age, part of
what fuels her rage is his diminished retirement income and the fact that
she, 10 years his junior, has to work.
When they're both home he spends most of his time in a separate living
quarters in the garage and tries to avoid angering her. Sounding exactly
like a battered wife, he speaks in a soft voice while I interview him on the
phone, listening for signs that his wife may be coming home. Today, she is
enraged at him over her car accident, an accident which occurred while he
was not even there. He says he's afraid to leave her because it may enrage
her further, and there aren't any shelters that accept men near him. He has
documented evidence of her abuse over the past five years but doubts that
authorities would believe him. And call the police? He says:
"Absolutely not. I've no doubt that she could go in front of any cop, judge,
or jury and accuse me of being the abuser and cry and lie and have them
ready to hang me."
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