From: "Gary Britt" 


"Ellen K."  wrote in message
news:kej8j15ormri5d28iglm9uunraupj835av{at}4ax.com...
> A little kid doesn't think about not doing what the class is supposed to
> be doing, or asking to be excused.  A high school kid maybe, but not a
> first-grader.
>
> This was during class, not at any kind of "performance event".
>
> I guess the best word for how I felt would be "devalued".
>
> I don't think public schools should be in the business of making some
> kids feel devalued because they don't belong to the majority religion.
>
> We had a menorah in our house at Chanukah.
>

Why did my spell checker spell Hanukah without the "C".  Are
there alternative spellings?

I'm sorry you felt bad, but it seems to me that a little talk from your
parents about being tolerant of others beliefs is a good thing and that
just because others don't believe or act exactly as do you or your parents
that this isn't anything to feel bad about would have easily cured your
discomfort.

I agree that public schools shouldn't make children feel devalued.  I don't
agree that singing Christmas songs at Christmas season in recognition of a
national holiday and national celebration should reasonably be considered
to have that effect on any child.

I think the majority should be tolerant of minority religions, not try to
stamp them out or exclude their members from being part of the community in
general or discriminate against them.  I also think that minority religions
and their members should be tolerant of the majority's beliefs, and should
not expect the majority to sanitize their lives and public institutions of
all traditions and cultural heritage that might make an overly insecure
adult or child confront the realization that they are of different.  I
think the minority child should be taught to embrace their differentness,
while be tolerant and understanding of the necessary exposure to other
beliefs when living in a society composed mostly of people with different
beliefs.  If nothing else its just good manners to exchange tolerance for
tolerance.

When I was in 7th grade, I was held back from joining the "concert
band" and forced to repeat the beginner band composed almost entirely
of 6th graders. That meant I was different from all my classmates.  I
played different music, had different rehearsals, etc.  One day to
demonstrate the miracle of an oscilloscope, our science teacher instructed
all those in class to go get their instruments and sheet music to play a
song while all watched the wave's displayed on the oscilloscope.  Not
thinking ahead I happily joined my classmates in the rush down to the band
room to get my saxophone and music.  It wasn't until we got back to class
that I realized I was the only one with the "wrong" sheet music
and could not participate in this "exercise".  I had to sit there
feeling like I had a giant neon sign flashing on my forehead announcing to
the rest of the class a reminder that I had been punished and held back and
was different from all of them.

After, the exercise was over the teacher, apparently noticing the obvious
distress on my face, told me she was sorry if this exercise caused me
discomfort and it wasn't her intention to humiliate me or make me feel so
different.  I told her it wasn't her fault I wasn't in the concert band,
and it never occurred to me that the teacher should have never set up this
"exercise" because it might make me feel bad or different.  It
would be ridiculous for me to think that the entire class should be
deprived of this group "experience" just because I was different.
 How much my classmates enjoyed this little break from the normal science
stuff we did was all over their faces.  How selfish and self-centered would
it have been of me to expect everyone else should be deprived of this group
experience just because I was different.  It was up to me to accept the
fact that I was different, and to deal with the good and bad that may come
from such differences.   That's how life is, and life exists even for 7th
graders.  It
would have been much less painful, almost entirely painless really, if I
had been able to just play along with the others.  I would have been
thrilled to have been able to play along with others so that my differences
were not so highlighted.  It wouldn't have changed the fact that I was
different, but I would have felt like a member of the group for purposes of
this "exercise".

If properly handled singing Christmas songs should have no negative impact
on those who are atheist, Jewish or Muslim, etc.  They aren't prayers nor
are they religious observances.  Its all a matter of tolerance, and
tolerance shouldn't be just a one way street.

I don't think any child should be forced to sing if they don't want to
sing, nor do I think that child's desire not to have singing be forced upon
everyone else.  I would think parents could properly anticipate and prepare
their children for this kind of an event, so that there is no trauma to the
child and no selfish expectation by that child that everyone else should
conform their behavior to the beliefs of the minority.  That preparation
could be in the form of "its ok to sing the words of these songs and
be part of the group.  Its just a secular celebration and not intended to
be a prayer.  It doesn't mean you are renouncing your own beliefs because
you are tolerant of others beliefs and cultures".  Such explanation
from the parent or an explanation for the need to respect others and be
polite while not participating, if that is the parents' preference, and
presto no more problem feeling devalued.

Gary

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