Ma>  Re- the feeling of overwhelming love and acceptance in AA is some of
Ma>  the best therapy your friend has ever witnessed - I'm not feeling a
Ma>  lot
Ma>  of that lately.  I just fired my sponsor - an old friend - because
Ma>  she
Ma>  is never available of late (last few MONTHS) when I call her, but
Ma>  when
Ma>  SHE is in trouble she calls me.  I felt like I was sponsoring HER.
That's not good.  That means she was using you as a sounding board.  A few 
years back, that would have been taken care of by the group.
Ma>  Yesterday I called really needing to talk.  I called her at her
Ma>  beeper
Ma>  as she said to do if I needed her and she promised she'd call me back
Ma>
Ma>  as soon as she got off work and got settled at home- about 5 P M.  By
Ma>  9
Ma>  _P M she still hadn't called so I called and left a message on her
Ma>  machine that I was getting a new sponsor.
CAn't blame you there.  I advise folks to get a support group as well as a 
sponsor as they tend to be human, need vacations, etc.
Ma>  The truth is that it seems nobody in AA cares about me unless they
Ma>  are
Ma>  in trouble.  The big exception to this is the two women I sponsor -
Ma>  one
Ma>  in AA and one in SIA.  But I don't want to do to them what my sponsor
Ma>
Ma>  did to me and tell them my troubles.  That is NOT what a sponsor is
Ma>  for
Ma>  - to add to the sponsee's burdens.
That's right. At first the sponsor needs to be someone they can look up to 
and lean on.
If you need help for yourself, possibly it would be better to find a group 
that your newbies don't attend and one that has some degree of sobriety in 
it....folks that have been around longer than you have.
Ma>  The truth is that the ONLY good, dependable, reliable sponsor I had
Ma>  was
Ma>  when I lived in MD briefly, in AA and in Al-Anon I had a really good
Ma>  sponsor in Virginia.
Ma>  And I think I am going to go back to using my MD. sponsor - long
Ma>  distance works well, after all.
Ma>  So does the U S mail system, usually.
You now have a computer and a modem.  If you are into the Internet, you will 
find that there are A.A. folks online also.  There is a lot more to offer 
than we had years ago.
Build up a small support group and then worry about finding a new sponsor. 
Sometimes this takes care of itself.
Ma>  To top it all off, I've been sick - AGAIN - since Mon. and REALLY
Ma>  ill.
You don't mention how long you have been sober, or, if you are under the care 
of someone who specializes in addiction medicine. There are such folks. Ask 
several folks at meetings and call the nearest treatment agencies for names 
of doctors.  When one name keeps coming up, that usually means he or she 
knows something about the problems we have.
Ma>  I can tell you I was ready to throw in the towel yesterday.
Ma>  Expectations are dangerous.  (I HAD been really looking forward to
Ma>  his
Ma>  return home. I also had been expecting my sponsor to actually sponsor
Ma>
Ma>  me too.)
Ma>  The support AA gives to newcomers is wonderful.  But when you have a
Ma>  few years together - like more than five around here - people start
Ma>  to
Ma>  treat you like an oldtimer, which seems to mean that they expect you
Ma>  to
Ma>  never have any problems of your own and to always be available to
Ma>  everyone else.  This isn't realistic.  Life on life's terms is not
Ma>  all
Ma>  "peaches and cream" for anyone - even if that person has a billion
Ma>  years sober.
I now have 26 years, my friend up the road has over 20, one of the men who 
live on this land has over 10, and we all need to have support now and then!
Ma>  I know sobriety is worth it.  Sometimes I wonder if LIFE is worth the
Ma>  effort, know what I mean?
Yup.  Now try and figure out if you are going through something physical or 
if what my oldtimers told me is true for you also.....When someone keeps 
taking other folk's inventory, it is long past time for a fourth step out of 
the Big Book!  
 
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