From: Analda Anglin 

The Alt.Fan.Monty-Python FAQ
 (C) Copyright 1998-2007 Analda Anglin 
Version 8.2
Last modified February 2, 2007

***Important Notices*** 
 
Changed for Version 8.2: Removed Python Internet Guide due to proliferation 
of search engines.  Condensed document to one part.

Changes for Version 8.1:  Editing to create a shorter document.

***FAQ Facts*** 
This FAQ is written specifically for the alt.fan.monty-python newsgroup. 
  It originally created by John 'Shaggy' Kolesar. In August 1998 it was passed 
on to Analda Anglin and in February 2000 it was given its own website,
www.pythonfan.com. 
 Current FAQ point of contact is analda{at}hiwaay.net.  This FAQ is posted to 
the newsgroup on or about the 1st of each month.

Many thanks go to the following people who have helped with ideas/revisions: 
(In absolutely no sensible order whatsoever) 
John 'Shaggy' Kolesar: Original writing of the FAQ and several years of maintenance 

Bonni Hall: Net Guidelines, Group History 
Sir David: The Liberty Bell March (MP theme song) Q & A
Dave Morning: Authoritative Cause of Death for Graham Chapman 
Dirk Rehberger: Translation of the Funniest Joke in the World 
Andrew Bromage aka Sir Pseudonym: ASCII Artwork—Foot and Spiney Norman, available 
for viewing at the website

PART ONE:  Posting Guidelines

RULE ONE: Please post sensibly and courteously.  This means no large files 
(scripts, images, sounds).    If someone requests a large file that you can 
provide, please email the file or furnish directions to an appropriate web 
or FTP site.  

Edit long cascades.  Long cascades are posts with multiple follow ups.  Delete 
the lines you’re not using in your reply, such as “so and so wrote” headers 
and signature files.

Refrain from HTML posting.  Many newsreaders do not interpret HTML tags correctly, 
so HTML posts come across as lines of gibberish.

RULE TWO: Please be polite.  Lots of people post here asking for skits, songs, 
scripts, and facts.  Be polite, be friendly, and be helpful if you can.  
Don’t blow them up because they don’t know which web or FTP site to go to. 
 We are a friendly, generally amusing, mostly intelligent bunch of folks. 
 We really ought to act that way.

Flames are hurtful and unkind and have no place in this newsgroup.  Personal 
direct insults are right out.  If someone is rude, ignore him/her.  Do not 
send any mail to that person, do not flame in return, and do not post about 
that person.  In short: DO NOT FEED THE FLAMES.  

When you see Spam (articles that are cross posted to newsgroups they have 
nothing to do with), do not post follow ups.  That just adds to the problem 
and usually creates more cross posts.  Like flames, the best thing to do 
when someone posts Spam is to ignore it.

When in doubt, email instead of posting.  If you’re not sure whether something 
will be taken as a joke, it’s usually best to restrict the remarks to email 
instead of posting them for everyone to see.  Personal comments, private 
jokes, and off topic threads are best kept private.


RULE THREE:  Please try to keep things on topic.  We understand when things 
become silly.  Let’s face it--Monty Python was a bunch of very silly/wacky/loony 
people.  Still, in a Monty Python newsgroup posts should be Python-related 
or Pythonesque.  

Direct Python discussions are obviously fine.  Posts about Python information, 
such as this FAQ and requests for Python web and FTP sites, are allowed. 
 So are posts about the newsgroup and announcements of upcoming events in 
the Python and a.f.m-p communities.

Original humor that has a strong basis in Python is also acceptable.  Python 
based means things such as parodies on Python bits or original works that 
involve Python ideas in a new way.  If you think that other people could 
read your creation and say to themselves “Hey! That resembles Monty Python!” 
then it should be fine.  Original humor that has absolutely nothing to do 
with Python is unfortunately out.  While it is probably funny, it more likely 
belongs in rec.humor or email.  

RULE FOUR:  Don’t use the newsgroup to distribute copyrighted materials. 
 The free distribution of copyrighted materials through the Internet is illegal. 
 There are no exceptions without specific permission from the copyright owners. 
 The Python London office asks that we direct people to the published versions 
of Monty Python material and encourage them to buy the book versions of the 
scripts.  

And finally, THERE IS NO RULE SIX!!

PART TWO: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

A.  The Witch Quote
  Q.   What does the witch say in the Holy Grail when she is found to weigh 
the same as a duck, and therefore found to be a witch?
  A.  She says, “It’s a fair cop.”   The phrase is thieves’ cant
for “you’ve 
got me dead to rights,” which means that there has been no entrapment and 
the person was fairly caught in the act.  The line has also been used a few 
other sketches, like “Dead Bishop on the Landing/Church Police” and “Whizzo 
Chocolates.”

B.  Knights Who No Longer Say NI
Q.	What do the knights who no longer say NI now call themselves?
A.	They are the knights who say (something like) “ecky ecky ecky ecky pi’tang 
zoop boing.”  What was said on screen during the filming was completely different 
from what was written down on the screenplay.  The line was spontaneously 
ad-libbed.  What is quoted in the net file scripts of the movie is a phonetic 
approximation of what was said.  In case you are curious, the official script 
for the Holy Grail says “We are now the Knights who go Neeeow…wum…ping!”

C.  Holy Grail Monks
Q.	What are the monks chanting in The Holy Grail?
A.	The monks chant “Pie Iesu Domine.  Dona eis Requiem.”  It is Latin for 
“Merciful Lord Jesus.  Grant them rest.”  These are typical Catholic funeral 
mass phrases.

D.   Flying Circus Theme Music
Q.	What is the theme music for Monty Python’s Flying Circus?
A.	The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.  The Coldstream Guards performed 
the recording used for the series.

E.   Rumors and Truth about Graham Chapman
Q.	Was Graham Chapman homosexual?  Was he an alcoholic?
A.	Yes and yes.  At his peak he was reportedly consuming two quarts of gin 
a day.  Chapman stopped drinking later in his life.
Q.	When did Graham Chapman die?  What did he die of?
A.	He died on October 4, 1989, just one day before Monty Python’s 20th
anniversary. 
 Graham Chapman died of cancer.  The rumors of him contracting AIDS are completely 
false.  They presumably came from the infamous and yet utterly stupid notion 
that dead + homosexual = AIDS.

	When this newsgroup first started up, there was a long and tedious debate 
about Chapman’s cause of death.  A member in London went to the public records 
office, got a copy of Graham Chapman’s death certificate, and posted it.  

       The primary cause of death was cancer of the larynx (throat) with 
secondary cancers elsewhere, including the liver.  Cancer of the liver is 
quite common and quite fatal, but it is usually a sign of cancer elsewhere. 
 The liver only gets affected in the final stages.  Liver failure will eventually 
kill you if pneumonia doesn’t get you first.

	Death certificates in the UK are required by law to state both the primary 
and secondary causes of death.  Graham died of pneumonia as a result of cancer 
of the larynx that had spread to many other sites, including the liver.

F.  Deadly Joke
Q.	What is the funniest joke in the world?  What does it mean?
A.	Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer?  Ja!  Beiherhund das Oder die 
Flipperwaldt gersput!  

[Taken from “The First 200 Years of Monty Python” by Kim “Howard” Johnson]: 
 “It was actually German gibberish,” Eric Idle explains.  “It’s written-down 
gibberish, because we all had to learn the same thing, yeah, but it’s gibberish! 
 It doesn’t mean a thing at all.  At least, I don’t think it does…”

Q.	Isn’t some of that actual German?  What’s the closet translation  into 
English you can make?
A.	Yes, some of the words used were real German words.  Others were pseudo 
German-sounding words.  It’s mostly nonsense.

[Taken from an article to a.f.m-p by Dirk Rehberger]:  I’ve seen it, I’m 
German, and here’s the translation.
	Wenn ist das – If is the (note: “Wann”means “when,” which would
make slightly 
more sense, since it’s a question)
	Nunstueck – nun = now, stueck = piece
	git – that’s obviously English! (but similar to “gibt” meaning
“gives” or, 
in the phrase “es gibt,” “there is”)
	und – and
	Slotermeyer? – Doesn’t make sense! (Meyer is a common German surname)
	Ja! – Yes!
	Beiherhund – hund = dog.  Beiher doesn’t make any sense.  Bayer mean Bavarian, 
but you can’t say “Bayerhund” for “Bavarian dog;” you would have
to say “Bayrischer 
hund.”
	das oder die – the or the (das is neuter, die is feminine)  or that
	Flipperwaldt – Flipper = pinball, wald = wood/forest
	Gersput – Doesn’t make sense!  “Ge” and “ver” are very common
German prefixes 
for past participles, but not “ger.”

	All in all: If is the now-piece (git) and (Slotermeyer)?  Yes! (Beiher)dog 
that or the pinball wood (gersput)!

	Note that your translation may vary, depending on which transcription you 
use and how hard you try to make sense of it.

G.   Poofters
Q.	What is a poofter/pooftah, as heard in the Bruces Philosophers sketch?
A.	Poofter is slang for male homosexual.

H.     Walk This Way
Q.	What is the joke about the phrase “If I could walk that way…?”
A.	If I could walk that way is an old gag, possibly originated by the Marx 
Brothers.  Typically someone would walk into a drug store or pharmacy, ask 
for an ointment, and be told to walk this way (in other words, follow me). 
 The customer would then reply, “If I could walk that way I wouldn’t need 
ointment.”  The phrase “If I could walk that way” has therefore become a 
classic and well-known comedy gag.  

You also may occasionally see a comic sketch where a person is told “Walk 
this way,” then walks away in a comical manner (silly walk!), implying walk 
the way I am walking instead of follow me.

I.   Four Yorkshire Men Sketch
Q.	What is the sketch of four men sitting around talking about their childhoods 
and trying to outdo each other with stories about how hard it was?
A.	That is the Four Yorkshire Men Sketch.  It was originally written pre-Flying 
Circus and was never performed in the series.  It was performed in several 
stage shows, including Live at the Hollywood Bowl, and is on Python audio 
recordings.

J.  Python Mailing Address
Q.	Where can I write the Python Office?
A.	The Python Office address for official correspondence is The Python Office, 
34 Thistlewaite Road, London  E5 0QQ, England. The office is unable to respond 
individually to each piece of mail, including questions or requests for signed 
pictures.  Do not send personal items to this address for they will not be 
returned.  The office no longer accepts personal items for signing.

K.  AKA
Q.	What is the “aka” I see some people use when they sign posts?
A.	The letters AKA stand for Also Known As and usually serve as an alias. 
 Some posters use the aka as a postscript or a final witty comment.  It’s 
silly and has nothing to do with what aka really means, but they are a part 
of this newsgroup’s history and date back to 1991.


Analda aka Sergeant of the FAQ
analda{at}nospam.hiwaay.net

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