From: Analda Anglin 

The Alt.Fan.Monty-Python FAQ
 (C) Copyright 1998-2007 Analda Anglin
Version 8.2
Last modified February 2, 2007

***Important Notices***

Changed for Version 8.2: Removed Python Internet Guide due to proliferation
of search engines.  Condensed document to one part.

Changes for Version 8.1:  Editing to create a shorter document.

***FAQ Facts***
This FAQ is written specifically for the alt.fan.monty-python newsgroup.  
It originally created by John 'Shaggy' Kolesar. In August
1998 it was passed on to Analda Anglin and in February 2000 it was given
its own website, www.pythonfan.com.  Current FAQ point of contact is
analda{at}hiwaay.net.  This FAQ is posted to the newsgroup on or about the 1st
of each month.

Many thanks go to the following people who have helped with
ideas/revisions: (In absolutely no sensible order whatsoever) John 'Shaggy'
Kolesar: Original writing of the FAQ and several years of maintenance
Bonni Hall: Net Guidelines, Group History Sir David: The Liberty Bell March
(MP theme song) Q & A Dave Morning: Authoritative Cause of Death for
Graham Chapman Dirk Rehberger: Translation of the Funniest Joke in the
World Andrew Bromage aka Sir Pseudonym: ASCII Artwork-Foot and Spiney
Norman, available for viewing at the website

PART ONE:  Posting Guidelines

RULE ONE: Please post sensibly and courteously.  This means no large files
(scripts, images, sounds).    If someone requests a large file
that you can provide, please email the file or furnish directions to an
appropriate web or FTP site.

Edit long cascades.  Long cascades are posts with multiple follow ups.
Delete the lines you're not using in your reply, such as "so and so
wrote" headers and signature files.

Refrain from HTML posting.  Many newsreaders do not interpret HTML tags
correctly, so HTML posts come across as lines of gibberish.

RULE TWO: Please be polite.  Lots of people post here asking for skits,
songs, scripts, and facts.  Be polite, be friendly, and be helpful if you
can.  Don't blow them up because they don't know which web or FTP site to
go to.  We are a friendly, generally amusing, mostly intelligent bunch of
folks.  We really ought to act that way.

Flames are hurtful and unkind and have no place in this newsgroup. Personal
direct insults are right out.  If someone is rude, ignore him/her.  Do not
send any mail to that person, do not flame in return, and do not post about
that person.  In short: DO NOT FEED THE FLAMES.

When you see Spam (articles that are cross posted to newsgroups they have
nothing to do with), do not post follow ups.  That just adds to the problem
and usually creates more cross posts.  Like flames, the best thing to do
when someone posts Spam is to ignore it.

When in doubt, email instead of posting.  If you're not sure whether
something will be taken as a joke, it's usually best to restrict the
remarks to email instead of posting them for everyone to see. Personal
comments, private jokes, and off topic threads are best kept private.


RULE THREE:  Please try to keep things on topic.  We understand when things
become silly.  Let's face it--Monty Python was a bunch of very
silly/wacky/loony people.  Still, in a Monty Python newsgroup posts should
be Python-related or Pythonesque.

Direct Python discussions are obviously fine.  Posts about Python
information, such as this FAQ and requests for Python web and FTP sites,
are allowed.  So are posts about the newsgroup and announcements of
upcoming events in the Python and a.f.m-p communities.

Original humor that has a strong basis in Python is also acceptable. Python
based means things such as parodies on Python bits or original works that
involve Python ideas in a new way.  If you think that other people could
read your creation and say to themselves "Hey! That resembles Monty
Python!" then it should be fine.  Original humor that has absolutely
nothing to do with Python is unfortunately out.  While it is probably
funny, it more likely belongs in rec.humor or email.

RULE FOUR:  Don't use the newsgroup to distribute copyrighted materials. 
The free distribution of copyrighted materials through the Internet is
illegal.  There are no exceptions without specific permission from the
copyright owners.  The Python London office asks that we direct people to
the published versions of Monty Python material and encourage them to buy
the book versions of the scripts.

And finally, THERE IS NO RULE SIX!!

PART TWO: QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

A.  The Witch Quote
  Q.   What does the witch say in the Holy Grail when she is found to
weigh the same as a duck, and therefore found to be a witch?
  A.  She says, "It's a fair cop."   The phrase is thieves' cant for
"you've got me dead to rights," which means that there has been
no entrapment and the person was fairly caught in the act.  The line has
also been used a few other sketches, like "Dead Bishop on the
Landing/Church Police" and "Whizzo Chocolates."

B.  Knights Who No Longer Say NI
Q.      What do the knights who no longer say NI now call themselves?
A.      They are the knights who say (something like) "ecky ecky ecky
ecky pi'tang zoop boing."  What was said on screen during the filming
was completely different from what was written down on the screenplay. The
line was spontaneously ad-libbed.  What is quoted in the net file scripts
of the movie is a phonetic approximation of what was said.  In case you are
curious, the official script for the Holy Grail says "We are now the
Knights who go Neeeow…wum…ping!"

C.  Holy Grail Monks
Q.      What are the monks chanting in The Holy Grail?
A.      The monks chant "Pie Iesu Domine.  Dona eis Requiem."  It is
Latin for "Merciful Lord Jesus.  Grant them rest."  These are
typical Catholic funeral mass phrases.

D.   Flying Circus Theme Music
Q.      What is the theme music for Monty Python's Flying Circus?
A.      The Liberty Bell March by John Phillip Sousa.  The Coldstream
Guards performed the recording used for the series.

E.   Rumors and Truth about Graham Chapman
Q.      Was Graham Chapman homosexual?  Was he an alcoholic?
A.      Yes and yes.  At his peak he was reportedly consuming two
quarts of gin a day.  Chapman stopped drinking later in his life. Q.     
When did Graham Chapman die?  What did he die of?
A.      He died on October 4, 1989, just one day before Monty Python's
20th anniversary.  Graham Chapman died of cancer.  The rumors of him
contracting AIDS are completely false.  They presumably came from the
infamous and yet utterly stupid notion that dead + homosexual = AIDS.

        When this newsgroup first started up, there was a long and
tedious debate about Chapman's cause of death.  A member in London went to
the public records office, got a copy of Graham Chapman's death
certificate, and posted it.

       The primary cause of death was cancer of the larynx (throat)
with secondary cancers elsewhere, including the liver.  Cancer of the liver
is quite common and quite fatal, but it is usually a sign of cancer
elsewhere.  The liver only gets affected in the final stages. Liver failure
will eventually kill you if pneumonia doesn't get you first.

        Death certificates in the UK are required by law to state both
the primary and secondary causes of death.  Graham died of pneumonia as a
result of cancer of the larynx that had spread to many other sites,
including the liver.

F.  Deadly Joke
Q.      What is the funniest joke in the world?  What does it mean?
A.      Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer?  Ja!  Beiherhund
das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!

[Taken from "The First 200 Years of Monty Python" by Kim
"Howard" Johnson]:  "It was actually German gibberish,"
Eric Idle explains. "It's written-down gibberish, because we all had
to learn the same thing, yeah, but it's gibberish!  It doesn't mean a thing
at all.  At least, I don't think it does…"

Q.      Isn't some of that actual German?  What's the closet
translation  into English you can make? A.      Yes, some of the words used
were real German words.  Others
were pseudo German-sounding words.  It's mostly nonsense.

[Taken from an article to a.f.m-p by Dirk Rehberger]:  I've seen it, I'm
German, and here's the translation.
        Wenn ist das - If is the (note: "Wann"means "when," which
would make slightly more sense, since it's a question)
        Nunstueck - nun = now, stueck = piece
        git - that's obviously English! (but similar to "gibt" meaning
"gives" or, in the phrase "es gibt," "there is")
        und - and
        Slotermeyer? - Doesn't make sense! (Meyer is a common German
surname)
        Ja! - Yes!
        Beiherhund - hund = dog.  Beiher doesn't make any sense.
Bayer mean Bavarian, but you can't say "Bayerhund" for
"Bavarian dog;" you would have to say "Bayrischer
hund."
        das oder die - the or the (das is neuter, die is feminine)  or
that
        Flipperwaldt - Flipper = pinball, wald = wood/forest
        Gersput - Doesn't make sense!  "Ge" and "ver"
are very common
German prefixes for past participles, but not "ger."

        All in all: If is the now-piece (git) and (Slotermeyer)?  Yes!
(Beiher)dog that or the pinball wood (gersput)!

        Note that your translation may vary, depending on which
transcription you use and how hard you try to make sense of it.

G.   Poofters
Q.      What is a poofter/pooftah, as heard in the Bruces Philosophers
sketch?
A.      Poofter is slang for male homosexual.

H.     Walk This Way
Q.      What is the joke about the phrase "If I could walk that way…?"
A.      If I could walk that way is an old gag, possibly originated by
the Marx Brothers.  Typically someone would walk into a drug store or
pharmacy, ask for an ointment, and be told to walk this way (in other
words, follow me).  The customer would then reply, "If I could walk
that way I wouldn't need ointment."  The phrase "If I could walk
that way" has therefore become a classic and well-known comedy gag.

You also may occasionally see a comic sketch where a person is told
"Walk this way," then walks away in a comical manner (silly
walk!), implying walk the way I am walking instead of follow me.

I.   Four Yorkshire Men Sketch
Q.      What is the sketch of four men sitting around talking about
their childhoods and trying to outdo each other with stories about how hard it was?
A.      That is the Four Yorkshire Men Sketch.  It was originally
written pre-Flying Circus and was never performed in the series.  It was
performed in several stage shows, including Live at the Hollywood Bowl, and
is on Python audio recordings.

J.  Python Mailing Address
Q.      Where can I write the Python Office?
A.      The Python Office address for official correspondence is The
Python Office, 34 Thistlewaite Road, London  E5 0QQ, England. The office is
unable to respond individually to each piece of mail, including questions
or requests for signed pictures.  Do not send personal items to this
address for they will not be returned.  The office no longer accepts
personal items for signing.

K.  AKA
Q.      What is the "aka" I see some people use when they sign posts?
A.      The letters AKA stand for Also Known As and usually serve as
an alias.  Some posters use the aka as a postscript or a final witty
comment.  It's silly and has nothing to do with what aka really means, but
they are a part of this newsgroup's history and date back to 1991.

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