* Forwarded (from: OC_RELIGION) by Stephen Hayes using timEd/2 1.10.y2k.
* Originally from oc.religion{at}family-bbs.net (8:8/2) to All.
* Original dated: Sat Mar 01, 00:32

To: oc-religion{at}fmlynet.org
From: "Michel Clasquin" 
Reply-To: oc.religion{at}family-bbs.net

------ Forwarded Message: ------
To: BUDDHA-L{at}LISTSERV.LOUISVILLE.EDU
From: Mike Austin 
Subject: Monty Python on Iraq
Date: Fri, 28 Feb 2003 12:57:27 +0000

On the lighter side of a serious situation, here's a letter to the London
observer from Terry Jones (yes, of Monty Python).

Sunday January 26, 2003

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's
running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really
pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me
queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me,
but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his
place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well
hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know,
I just know - from very good sources - that he is, in reality, a Mass
Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't
act first, he'll pick us off one by one.

Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police?
But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need
evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up
with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a
pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his
plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly
murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range
of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until
recently that's been a little difficult.

Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run
out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want! And let's
face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only
way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to
stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to
bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us. That's why I
want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill
his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll
leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way.

Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is
that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass
destruction - even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much
justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush
has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer
place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever
long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it?

How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single
terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's
committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the
ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists,
being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future
terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every
Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert
to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr
Bush to eliminate all Muslims?

It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the
iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like
and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really
safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going
too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of
the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason
for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the
whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand
over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and
interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely
and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.
It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing - and, in contrast to
what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one
street.

--
Metta
Mike Austin

-+-
Michel Clasquin clasqm{at}mweb.co.za / clasqm{at}unisa.ac.za Energize... Hey!
Where'd that bunny come from?

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