From: Ceri 
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Pagan vs Christian football


Bob: For those of you who have just joined us, this has been one hell of
a game! The Salem Witches, led by the ferocious playof Sven Gahrinnson,
a huge Asatru defensive end, have taken a 21-14 lead over the Bethany 
Baptists.

Sam: That's right, Bob. Sven's a force, but Bethany's quarterback Paul
Damascus has been throwing passes with all the zeal of an evangelist
passing out tracts on Judgement Day. Leading the Baptists' Fire and
Brimstone offense, Damascus has been burning the Witches' secondary all
evening.

Bob: Sam, now that was uncalled for...

Sam: Hey, if the Witches hadn't put a spell on the referees they
wouldn't even be in this game!

Bob: And if the Baptists hadn't soaked the field with holy water, the
Witches would still be able to use their running game, not to mention
the third degree burns that Salem's tight end received.

Sam: His name was Vlad! I'll bet he wasn't only a witch but a 

Bob: Don't say it!

Sam: But the Bible says...

Bob: SAM! Let's return to the action on the field.

Sam: [mumbling] Well it does...

Bob: Salem's just about to kick off with 2:35 left in the fourth
quarter. JohnPaul is on his own five yard line to receive for the
Baptists. Here's the kick... It's a beauty! Just look at the hang time!

Sam: I'd look for a penalty on that kick. Illegal summoning of air
elementals, I would think.

Bob: JohnPaul takes the kick... he's on the ten... the fifteen... WOW!
WHAT A HIT!! Sven just leveled JohnPaul! I'm amazed Bethany's return man
could even hold on to the ball. Uh oh... JohnPaul's not moving. The
trainers are coming out to the field. 

Sam: [chanting gleefully] Threefold law! Threefold law! Sven's going to
pay! He meant to hit him hard.

Bob: Sam, this is football! You're supposed to hit them hard. Besides,
Sven's not Wiccan, he's Asatru!

Sam: [mumbling] Well, they're all going to burn in hell. They aren't
Christian, after all. The Bible says --

Bob: [cutting off Sam] It looks like JohnPaul's going to be okay. He did
say not know what time zone he's in after that hit, but at least he's on
his feet. The Witches' defense takes the field. Sven holds down the left
side while Gavin Lord leads Salem's Wild Hunt defense. Listen to them
howl! The Witches' fans are going wild, the pep band is leading a spiral
dance while the cheerleaders are drawing down the moon. I can't imagine
how Bethany can even hear the count over all this noise! Here's the
snap. Damascus drops back. Here comes Sven! Damascus is scrambling,
chased by the Wild Hunt. He has nowhere to run, not with the Hunt on his
heels. Damascus throws the ball away, stopping the clock with 2:08 left
to play.

Sam: There's a flag on the play. I'll bet it's against the Witches

Bob: My guess is holding on the offense, Sam.

Sam: Yeah, right. You're just saying that 'cause you don't want the
Baptists to win.

Bob: No, I'm saying that because one of Bethany's offensive linemen is
still holding someone's kilt!

Sam: They should call that a foul. After all, the Bible says --

Bob: [cutting Sam off again] The refs have marked off the penalty and
the players are lining up again. Damascus is calling the signals. Here's
the snap. He drops back and throws. It's caught by Moses at the 30 and
he's brought down immediately. That's going to bring up the two minute
warning.

Sam: Let's break for a word from our sponsor, New Jerusalem Witnessing
Tracts.

Bob: Let's not. We're back! The word on JohnPaul's injury is either a
slight concussion or demon possession. The team is calling in a
specialist from the Vatican to be sure. It seems that Sven hit him hard
enough that the Bethany return man thinks he's in a past life. He keeps
saying, I was really just kidding. I like lions. Really. Good kitty!
There's 1:58 left on the game clock and from the look of things on the
field, I think that Bethany's starting to panic.

Sam: Why do you say that?

Bob: Because it looks like they're going for the Hail Mary play.

Sam: And why do you say that?

Bob: Just listen to the Baptists' fans.

Fans: Hail Mary, Mother of God... Hail Mary, Mother of God...

Bob: Here's the snap. Damascus drops back... he's under pressure...
Damascus scrambles to the right, looking for an open receiver... he
reverses the field, running to the left... Sven is right on his heals...
He throws... Touchdown!! What an immaculate reception! Touchdown
Bethany!

Sam: Yes! Yes! YES!!!

Bob: Let's be a little objective here...

Sam: Time to make those sinners pay!

Bob: Bethany's going for the two point conversion. The Wild Hunt is
growling you can hear it even over the roar of the crowd. This could be
the game right here, folks. The Baptists are pulling out all the stops.
I think that's even the Ark of the Covenant that they're parading over
there. Here's the snap... It's a quarterback sneak! Damascus dives into
the heart of the Wild Hunt!Look at that pile! Damascus is somewhere at
the bottom. It's going to be a moment before they sort this one out,
folks. One of the Baptists is in Sven's face. Uh oh... I think he's
witnessing to the Asatru. Yep! There's the flag! That'll be unsportsman
like conduct on Bethany. Fifteen yards off the kick off. It looks like
the Baptists have made the conversion! Bethany leads 22 to 21.

Sam: That's not the only thing they converted. It looks like Sven is
headed back to Bethany's sideline.

Bob: No! Sven! You're a warrior! Come back! Come back!

Sam: Oh... is da widdle asatwoo a kwistjun now?

Bob: [ignoring Sam] Fourth quarter... 1:22 left on the clock. Bethany
sends a deep booming kick into Salem's end zone. Wait... who is that
returning the kick? Long hair... curves... It's Artemis! Those Bethany
defenders don't know who they have coming at them!

Sam: If she turns anyone into a stag and they don't call a penalty, I'll
protest!

Bob: Artemis fields the ball deep in her own end zone. She's bringing it
out! She's at the five, at the ten... breaks a tackle  to the fifteen,
the twenty... she's on the sideline with room to run... Does anyone hear
trumpets? Are those angels over there? OHMIGOD WHAT WAS THAT FLASH OF
LIGHT?!?!??!

Sam: Where did all of Bethany's players go? Where are their fans?

Bob: Looks like its the Rapture... Artemis is left with a field empty of
defenders... She's at the fifty... the forty... the twenty...Touchdown!!
Salem's ahead by five with Bethany nowhere in sight!

Sam: Judgement Day... It can't be Judgement Day...

Bob: Looks like the refs are talking this one over. The clock is stopped
with fifty-eight seconds left to play. The Bethany Baptists are nowhere
in sight and the Salem Witches lead 27 - 22. Here's the official
ruling...That s game! The Bethany Baptists forfeit the game and the
Salem Witches win, 27 - 22!

Sam: [still bemoaning his fate] Judgement Day... It was Judgement Day
and no one came to get me! It can't be Judgement Day! Why? Why, Bob?
Why?

Bob: Don't know, Sam. It's your system of belief, not mine. You're
welcome to hang out with us Pagans.

Sam: Dear GOD! It was Judgement Day and they sent me to Hell! This is
Hell, isn't it Bob?

Bob: [thinking of being the only Pagan that Sam knows] Only for me, Sam.
Only for me.


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Ceridwen is a default net alias
       Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.


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