From: Ceri 
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Internet Board of Disease Control

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN,

I regret to inform you that you have been named as a possible cyber-
sexual partner of someone who has tested positive for the ATTICS
(Affliction Transmitted Through Internet Chat Sex) virus. It would
benefit you to be tested and/or treated for this disease. ATTICS is
highly contagious and can be spread by a simple "f{at}ck you" or
"muuuuaaaahhhhh". It appears to be predominant in WebTV users but has
been detected in the PC community.

Amusing as this may sound this is no laughing matter! ATTICS is a mainly
psychological disorder but can fester into physical ailments if not
treated. You will be provided with a list of symptoms, if you have any of
these contact this office and forward this notice to all your cyber-
sexual contacts!

The following is a list of symptoms, onset of these symptoms may be
immediate or may remain undetected for years. PLEASE do not ignore these
warning signs!!!!!

KEYBOARD COURAGE: The threatening of another chatter for no logical
	reason.

WOOHOO: The uncontrollable urge to say wooooohoooooo to anything that may
	be deemed sexual in nature (may be a result of overactive 
	woohoormones).

HOLIDAY INN-hibition: The need to take someone to a private room.

P.T.P.U.D. (POST TRAMATIC POP UP DISORDER): Heavy reliance on popups.

HORIZONTAL RETNAL SCAN: Inability to read anything that doesn't scroll
	up.

LOSS OF FINGERNAILS.

BEDPAN COMPLEX: Having a bucket next to the TV for human waste.

CYBER TERRETTS SYNDROME: The random shouting of obscenities every time
	the phone rings.

RED EYE: Elimination of any whites from the eye.

VIRTUAL SPEED: The ability to make 2 lunches, fold a load of laundry, go
	pee, and put in a video, before your last comment leaves the 
	screen.

SLEEP APATHY: Going without sleep to chat.

CYBER ANNOREXIA: Going without food to chat.

SYMBOLIC DSYLEXIA: The use of initials instead of words i.e.:
	LMAO=LAUGHING MY A$$ OFF.

NIC IDENTITY CRISIS: The adoption of a nic as a second name.


If you encounter any of these symptoms feel free to contact me.

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME,

Dr. Pete O. Fender
Internet Board of Disease Control






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