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  .h.bRe.n.b: .h.cOde to Chuck Norris
  .bBy.n.b: .h.cMatt Munson .bto .cAll .bon .cSat Dec 31 2005 03:11 am.n

Im sorry but its all about norm abrams now... that man can make anything out of
wood.. and his beard is much more powerfull than chucks.
/s


 > Hello everybody.
 > 
 > ODE TO CHUCK NORRIS
 > 
 > 
 > 
 > Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
 > 
 > When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
 > because he has run out of women.
 > 
 > MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris
 > can kill him and take it.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
 > information he wants.
 > 
 > If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two
seconds till."
 > After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks
you in the face.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
 > 
 > Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
 > to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
 > beard.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video
game, but was removed
 > by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick.
 > When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's
no glitch."
 > 
 > Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
 > 
 > Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
 > have increased 13,000 percent.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
 > unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
 > finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
 > back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
 > should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
 > the month.
 > 
 > Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
 > stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly
 > after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck
 > Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew
 > once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
 > assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard,
 > deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of
 > "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other
Wisemen, jealous
 > of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have
 > Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse
 > kick related deaths.
 > 
 > There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
 > 
 > To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer, Chuck Norris smoked 15
 > cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of
 > cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that,
 > Lance Armstrong.
 > 
 > There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
 > 
 > The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Chuck
Norris--more
 > than meets the eye, Chuck Norris--robot in disguise," and starred Chuck
 > Norris as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing
 > Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for
 > a single show, however, so it was divided.
 > 
 > The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked
 > names for his left and right legs.
 > 
 > It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate,
 > but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to
 > him. Pirates never were very smart.
 > 
 > Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage.
 > We know this beverage as Red Bull.\
 > 
 > Matt
 > 
 > ... ARRRRRGGGHHH!!!! ... Tension breaker, had to be done.
 > 
.n
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